


Lullaby

by andiheardeverything



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-08
Updated: 2011-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-15 04:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiheardeverything/pseuds/andiheardeverything
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So…you don’t want to have kids?” he asked and Kurt frowned at him curiously. "Well it's a little early to be thinking about that, don't you think?" Kurt gave an amused laugh at the end and Blaine felt like his world has stopped spinning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> warnings for mpreg, blood, and medical situations

It was on November fifteenth that Blaine’s world dropped from under his feet. He had gone to the doctor’s thinking he had an appendicitis and left wishing it was that simple.

It had made sense at the time, he had been feeling achy and tired for a few weeks, something he had attributed to the stress of starting his senior year in a new school and applying to colleges. When he had gotten really sick nearly two weeks ago they had assumed he had a bug of some sort and Kurt had eagerly slipped into the role of pampering his poor boyfriend. When he hadn’t gotten better after two weeks they had begun to worry, and when he began to experience intense abdominal cramping, his parents had insisted they take him to the ER. Kurt was supposed to have come with him, but had been placed on house arrest by his father after leaving his straightener on all day and melting a hole in the carpet, something Blaine was intensely grateful for now.

The car was silent, his mother’s hands gripping the wheel so hard her knuckles were white. Blaine was blinking furiously, trying desperately to keep back the tears that threatened to fall, his own hands folded in his lap. They hadn’t said a word since they left the doctors and drove to the pharmacy, picking up Blaine’s prescriptions and heading for home, his mother driving slower than normal.

“You’ll need to tell your father,” Jennifer broke the silence. Her voice sounded thick and Blaine was having a hard time telling what she was feeling. A hot wave of panic hit him, and he suddenly wanting to be heading anywhere than where they actually were. He’d forgotten about his father.

“Do I have to?” Blaine whispered, knowing the answer. Jennifer nodded, reaching a hand out to squeeze Blaine’s shoulder encouragingly.

“He needs to know.” Blaine violently wiped a tear from his eye before it could fall.

“Are you mad?” Blaine asked eventually, glancing up at his mother. Her face remained impassive, though he could tell it was forced. “At me?”

Jennifer shook her head stiffly, looking away from the road briefly to catch her son’s gaze.

“I’m not mad,” she said, mouth curving into a slightly smile that didn’t reach her eyes and disappearing as quickly as it came. There was a pause. “I didn’t even know that you and Kurt…that you guys were sexually active.”

Blaine winced at the words. They sounded so…wrong. Like they had broken some kind of sacred rule and now there was no going back. Which he supposed there wasn’t.

“I just wish you guys had been more careful. Used protection.”

Blaine looked back at his hands, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. The thing was, they had used protection. Every time (well almost). Except for that one time, back at the very end of September when…well, they’d been a little tipsy and maybe they had forgotten a condom, or maybe it had ripped. Blaine honestly didn’t remember, but they hadn’t really worried about it. They were both boys, and both each other’s firsts and as longs as they didn’t let it happen again, nothing bad could happen, right?

Wrong.

“I’m sorry,” were the only words Blaine managed to say, and his mom just resumed throttling the wheel in her death grip and silence fell back over the car.

-

Blaine was a carrier. He hadn’t known. No one had. Carriers were rare, and most men weren’t even tested for it until they were eighteen. And then, only if they wanted the test. No one in his family had been a carrier, or at least, no one in his family had been gay, so they wouldn’t know. He was carrier and now he was pregnant. Seven weeks pregnant, according to the doctor, who had been equally as shocked as he had. This was the first male pregnancy they had seen in Lima, and only the third recorded one in the state of Ohio. The doctor had said it was a miracle. That he was lucky. Blaine felt anything but lucky. He felt like his world was falling apart and he was hanging onto the frayed edges.

His father hadn’t reacted as badly as he had imagined, but his disappointment was clear. He already had a hard enough time accepting his son, his only son, was gay, and now pregnant on top of it? The silence that had followed Blaine’s explanation had been worse than any yelling could have been. The air had been thick with disappointment  and Blaine thought he was suffocating. His father had merely nodded, his eyes scorching down to Blaine’s abdomen and Blaine wanted to hide, to dig a hole and disappear  forever.

“I hope your happy with your choices,” Blaine’s father had said and Blaine couldn’t help the tears that spilled onto his cheeks. Nothing else was said and his father left the room, silence broken only by a loud crash as his father undoubtedly was taking out his anger at Blaine on some inanimate object. His mother had drawn him into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly and Blaine quickly managed to control his tears. There was no point in crying.

When he finally collapsed into his bed, pillow pressed against his stomach like he could hide from himself, he saw the text. Kurt. He had completely forgotten, which was ridiculous since he didn’t make this baby on his own. Kurt was a father, just like him. The thought made his heart flutter and his stomach sink all at the same time.

Kurt [5:23] _Everything alright?_

Of course, Kurt had been waiting for Blaine to let him know how his appointment had gone. Blaine hesitated, eyes staring unblinkingly at the blank text. What did he say? He hadn’t even thought about how Kurt would react to news like this. Would he freak out? Would he be supportive? Would he think Blaine was some kind of freak and never want to see him again? Or would he be excited? Blaine had no idea and knew that over a text was not the appropriate way to find out.

After several moments of deliberation he typed out his response

Blaine [7:44] _Fine, just tired. See you tomorrow xo_

His phone vibrated almost immediately and he couldn’t help but smile, knowing Kurt had probably been staring at his phone, waiting for Blaine’s response.

Kurt [7:45] _Good :) Being grounded sucks. Luv xoxo_

Blaine chuckled and tried to pretend everything would work out. Everything would be alright.

-

He didn’t tell Kurt. It was easy at first. Kurt was grounded for a week so they only saw each other at school and glee club, and their texts were light and conversational. Blaine had brushed off his supposed sickness, telling Kurt he was fine and not to worry about it. To his relief, Kurt did just that, and everything was so perfectly _normal_ between them. Reluctance was forming in his belly to ruin that. To possibly ruin everything between them.

When Kurt’s house arrest ended, Blaine had every intention of telling Kurt. His anxiety was growing and he knew he couldn’t avoid it any longer. They were going to the Lima Bean, their usual after school hangout, and Blaine had prepared a million ways to tell Kurt, practicing over and over in the mirror until he was sure he couldn’t screw up. Kurt smiled at Blaine in that way that made his knees weak and his heart flutter and he reached for his hand as they entered the coffee shop. Kurt gave him a comforting squeeze and Blaine took a deep breath to calm himself. If Kurt noticed Blaine was acting weird he didn’t show it.

And then everything came undone. It happened between picking up their coffee orders and making their way to their usual table. The bell on the door chimed as it opened and a family entered. A girl, probably no older than four, bouncing with excitement, darted in front of Kurt, causing him to stop abruptly. The mother shouted for the girl and in that moment the baby she was clutching started crying. She tried desperately to calm the baby, bouncing it in her arms and rubbing its back, whispering calming words to. Blaine watched on in fascination, the slight tightness at his hips becoming even more obvious and he unconsciously rubbed at his belly.

When he glanced up at Kurt he felt his stomach turn over. Kurt’s lip was curled up at the corner, his brow wrinkled in a look of distaste. He shook his head and grunted in annoyance as he plopped into his chair, crossing his legs pointedly. Blaine’s heart sped up, and this time it wasn’t in excitement. Kurt caught Blaine looking at him and motioned his head towards the still crying baby.

“Babies,” he said, his voice full of annoyance. Blaine slid into his own chair, afraid of what Kurt’s reaction could mean.

“You don’t like babies?” Blaine asked, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably. Kurt half shrugged.

“Not particularly,” he responded, glancing over at the mother and crying baby and wrinkling his nose. “They’re so loud…and smelly. All they do is cry and poop.”

Blaine couldn’t stop his hands from shaking so he stuffed them under his legs.

“So…you don’t want to have kids?” he asked and Kurt frowned at him curiously.

“Well it’s a little early to be thinking about that, don’t you think?” Kurt gave an amused laugh at the end and Blaine felt like his world had stopped spinning. Any plans he had of telling Kurt were erased from his mind and he wrapped his arms around his stomach self-consciously. Kurt had resumed talking, his voice sounded enthusiastic but Blaine wasn’t really paying attention.

Kurt didn’t like kids. Kurt didn’t want kids. The words repeated themselves in Blaine’s head, over and over until it was the only thing he knew. He couldn’t tell Kurt now, there’s no way Kurt would stay with him. Boys weren’t supposed to get pregnant. Kurt had thought he was safe, that one of the perks of being gay was that he would never have to worry about an unplanned pregnancy. Or any pregnancy at all.

Blaine had really screwed up. But he would fix this, and Kurt would never have to know.

-

Three days after the Lima Bean incident, Blaine found himself sitting nervously in the waiting room of Planned Parenthood. Neither of his parents knew he was here and Kurt had been thankfully commandeered by Mercedes for the afternoon, but that didn’t stop him from looking around every so often, afraid of being seen.

The room smelled like fresh linen Febreeze and the girl at the counter was snapping her gum in a way that made Blaine want to stand up and scream. When a middle aged woman stepped into the room and called Blaine’s name he leapt to his feet, glaring at the receptionist as he was lead down the hall.

The woman introduced herself as Doctor Wilson and instructed Blaine to sit. He shifted nervously as she looked through the paperwork he had filled out, her eyes warm when she finally looked up at him.

“So Blaine, what brings you here today?”

Blaine looked at her, slightly confused. Wasn’t all that already written down?

“Um…I wanted to see about maybe…getting an abortion?” The words felt dirty in his mouth. The doctor nodded, sitting down across from him.

“For yourself?”

Blaine nodded.

“I’ll admit, you’re the first carrier with a successful pregnancy that I’ve ever met,” she gave Blaine a gentle smile and he shifted, not really sure how to respond. “How far along are you?”

“About nine weeks,” he responded, his nervousness ebbing away slightly. “I only found out two weeks ago.”

“I see,” she said, placing his papers on her desk and looking at him earnestly. “And why do you want an abortion?”

Blaine paused, thinking back over the last few days. “Because my boyfriend…” he said and stopped, an unexpected wave of emotion washing through him. This was the first time he had talked with anyone about his situation openly, his parents avoided the topic unless it was necessary and he hadn’t even mentioned his fears about Kurt to them. His voice shook when he continued. “My boyfriend doesn’t like kids. He doesn’t want any.”

The doctor’s eyes studied him, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “Have you considered adoption?”

Blaine was silent, not really sure what to say. He had considered it…but that would mean Kurt would have to _know._ When Blaine didn’t say anything she added, “Is your boyfriend the one who wants you to end the pregnancy?”

Blaine shook his head. “No…he doesn’t know.”

Surprise flashed across the doctor’s face. “He doesn’t know you’re pregnant?”

Blaine took a deep breath as all his fears from the past two weeks rose to the surface at once.

“I was going to tell him,” he said closing his eyes, and he could see Kurt’s face, so beautiful and perfect, morphing into the annoyed expression he had shot at the crying baby. “But then…he said he didn’t like kids. He doesn’t want them. He can’t know…” He looked at the doctor, vision blurring, begging for her to understand. “He’ll think I let him down if he knows. And I couldn’t…I can’t go through with it if he hates it. If he thinks I’m a freak.”

Doctor Wilson handed Blaine a tissue which he accepted gratefully. Her eyes were sad.

“You sound like you’re going through a lot of stress right now Blaine, without much of a support system. I know it will be hard, but I really think you should tell your boyfriend. The ones you love often surprise you and he might be more understanding than you expect.”

Blaine sniffed.

“And even if he doesn’t, Blaine, this is about you. You need to make these decisions based only on your own judgment.  This is a big step and you don’t want it to be a decision that you end up regretting.”

Blaine looked at the floor, tears leaving dark stains on his jeans as the fell.

“Tell me honestly, all thoughts of your boyfriend and anyone else who might be influencing you aside. What do you, Blaine Anderson, want to do?”

Blaine thought about it for a moment. He imagined everything being over then and there, no longer being pregnant and everything returning to normal, Kurt would never have to know and his parents would no longer be disappointed in him. He wouldn’t become the laughingstock of the school and have to worry about getting huge. But then he thought about the tiny human growing inside of him, and how it would probably have Kurt’s eyes and perfect lips, and would probably be cursed with his curly hair. Maybe it would grow tall like Kurt, and would have the perfect mix of their two voices. Or maybe it would be none of these things, but it would still be an equal mix of him and Kurt, and Blaine couldn’t imagine not giving that a chance at life.

“I would go through with it I think,” he said eventually, still gazing at the floor. “It scares me, but I think I could do it.”

-

Blaine’s resolve did not help him tell Kurt. Every time he tried his mouth dried up and his throat constricted and there was a heat inside him that had nothing to do with the heartburn he’d been feeling lately. One week turned into two turned into three and Blaine found himself wearing  sweatshirts and lose sweaters to hide his slightly expanding tummy. It really wasn’t that noticeable yet, but to Blaine it felt like there was a neon sign pointing towards his stomach flashing the words _notice me!_

He figured it wasn’t long until Kurt noticed something was up. He’d been missing school for doctor’s appointments and often felt lightheaded or dizzy and a few times he’d gone home early due to headaches. The increased hormones in his system had made him far more emotional than normal; he’d snapped at Kurt several times for the smallest annoyance, and once he’d burst into tears when Kurt had been singing during glee club, much to his embarrassment. But for the most part he managed to act as normal as possible, brushing off any questions Kurt asked him about his health.

It was only when Kurt started complaining about how it had been so long since they’d had any alone time together and, well, he was a teenage boy and he did have his needs, that Blaine couldn’t avoid him any longer. He feigned a headache but Kurt insisted on coming over, spooning behind him, arms wrapping him in a warm embrace and Blaine had frozen. But Kurt felt so nice and warm, and it had been so long since they had been close like this, and Blaine couldn’t help himself from relaxing into Kurt’s arms, feeling almost blissful.

Until Kurt’s hands drifted down, teasing at the hem of Blaine’s sweatshirt and the dreaded words tumbled from his lips.

“Have you gained weight?”

Blaine jerked from Kurt’s grip like he’d been burned. Kurt sat up, horror immediately crossing his face.

“I’m sorry!” he was saying quickly. “I didn’t mean it. Oh god, that was so rude of me!” Kurt sounded desperate but Blaine didn’t really care. Kurt _noticed_.

“I don’t feel well,” Blaine said softly and Kurt looked extremely upset. “I think you should probably go.”

“Blaine, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Kurt said scooting toward Blaine, who slid off the bed and crossed his arms over himself. “You aren’t fat, I promise.”

Blaine suddenly felt sick. He knew he should tell Kurt, should fix this whole situation, but his stomach had started twisting itself in nervous knots and he could feel himself breaking into a cold sweat. He had been working himself up over the idea of telling Kurt so much that now he physically couldn’t.

“Please go,” Blaine whispered, pressing his palms into his eyes. When Kurt made no move to leave, Blaine turned and walked across the hall to the bathroom, closing the door and sliding to the floor.

He stayed in there until he heard Kurt leave, apologies no longer being muttered through the door. When he entered his room he saw a note on his pillow, Kurt’s writing careful and perfect.

_I’m sorry. I love you. xoxo Kurt_

This whole situation had gone beyond what Blaine could handle and that night he cried himself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the week before Christmas vacation and everyone knew that Blaine wasn’t speaking to Kurt. Not that he hadn’t tried. Blaine tried valiantly to come up with some way to explain to Kurt, but like every time before he found himself freezing up whenever Kurt came near. Kurt looked beyond distressed, leaving apologetic notes in Blaine’s locker and trying to catch him alone anytime he could, but Blaine would just fall silent and eventually Kurt would accept defeat and leave, tears shining in his eyes.

By the end of the week it was obvious Kurt had enlisted Finn to help him out and Blaine found himself confronted by Kurt’s brother after school on his way to his car.

“Hey wait up,” Finn called and Blaine stopped, looking at Finn impassively. Finn jogged the few steps to Blaine and then shuffled his feet, looking slightly nervous. Blaine sighed impatiently.

“Yes Finn?”

Finn opened and closed his mouth a few times before actually speaking. “Kurt asked me to come talk to you.”

“I figured,” Blaine said and made to open his car door, hoping to indicate to Finn that he didn’t really want to talk.

“He’s really upset you know,” Finn said and Blaine thought he looked like an hopeful puppy, trying to make everyone happy but not really knowing how. “He didn’t mean what he said. I mean, yeah he obsesses about his own appearance but he doesn’t really care if you’ve gained weight.”

Blaine rolled his eyes, wanting to leave. So now everyone had noticed? Great. He might as well start wearing a shirt that said  _bun in the oven_  and maybe everyone would be satisfied.

“Thanks Finn,” Blaine said, dripping sarcasm. “Nice chatting with you.”

He started to get in the car and Finn laid a hand on Blaine’s shoulder, dropping it quickly when Blaine looked at him questioning.

“Wait,” Finn sounded half desperate and Blaine wondered what Kurt threatened him with for this talk. “I’m not the best with relationships but I know that what you’re doing to Kurt isn’t cool. If he hurt your feelings he’s really sorry, but you can’t let a stupid comment ruin what you guys have.”

Blaine studied Finn’s face. The intense look in Finn’s eyes moved something inside Blaine and he felt something fall into place. Or out of place, it was getting hard to tell anymore. There was a long pause and Finn looked ready to leave when Blaine finally broke the silence.

“Finn…can I ask you something?” Blaine’s palms started sweating as Finn nodded.

“Yeah man, anything.”

“When…” Blaine took a deep breath. “When you found out about Quinn, being pregnant…what did it feel like?”

Finn looked surprised by the question but his brow furrowed thoughtfully. “It felt like everything was changed, you know? Like nothing made sense anymore.”

Blaine’s face fell. This was what he was worried about.

“Oh.”

“But…” Finn continued and Blaine looked back at him, “but I still loved her. Until, you know, I found out it was Puck’s, I knew I would do anything for her. That we were in it together.”

Blaine suddenly felt his throat grow tight and he swallowed back the tears that were threatening to betray him. Stupid fucking hormones making him so emotional.

“What’s going on Blaine?” Finn asked and Blaine looked at his feet.

“What do you think Kurt would have done…if he had been in your place? With Quinn?”

Finn paused, confused. “Kurt’s gay, Blaine.”

“Thanks for the news flash,” Blaine responded and tried to look at Finn earnestly. “Just hypothetically.”

Finn thought about it and shrugged. “I don’t know. Kurt’s so, in control of everything, he’d probably freak.”

A tear escaped Blaine’s eye and he quickly wiped it away, hoping Finn didn’t see. He did.

“Is something wrong Blaine?” Finn rested a hand on Blaine’s shoulder again, an awkward attempt at comfort. And before Blaine could stop himself he felt the words tumble from his lips in a rush.

And that was how Finn found out about Blaine’s pregnancy before Kurt.

-

Blaine had no idea how much of an friend Finn would prove to be. It had taken awhile to explain to Finn that yes, men could get pregnant, and yes it was extremely rare, and yes he and Kurt had had sex (that was probably the most awkward moment of Blaine’s life and he hoped to never repeat it again). But after Finn had understood the full weight of what was happening he had pulled Blaine into a hug that felt awkward, but nice. It was nice to have someone who was supportive and understood, at least in a way, what he was going through.

The hardest part had been to get Finn to agree not to tell Kurt. Blaine had emphasized that when Kurt found out, it should only be Blaine to tell him. Finn had been torn between the loyalty to his brother and wanting to respect Blaine’s wishes, but in the end he had agreed with Blaine. He knew what it felt like to have this news dropped on him and he couldn’t imagine if he heard about it from someone else.

But he needed to tell Kurt. Finn had been insistent on that. The baby was as much Kurt’s as it was Blaine’s and it wasn’t fair to keep this from him. However Kurt would react, he  _needed_  to know. And Blaine knew it was true. He was two weeks into the second trimester and while he wasn’t huge yet, he knew soon it would be hard to hide. He just needed to find the right moment. To properly prepare himself to tell Kurt.

He chose Christmas day. Probably not the wisest choice in hindsight, but since when had anything Blaine done gone as he planned? He still hadn’t spoken to Kurt, but after his chat with Finn, he had reassured Kurt that Blaine just needed a little time. And it seemed to help. Kurt’s heartbroken glances and scribbled apologies turned into encouraging smiles and lingering looks. Blaine tried to return them as best he could and their silence suddenly became less stifling and more patient. Kurt knew there was something more to this than an offhand comment about weight and was willing to wait for Blaine to feel comfortable.

On Christmas Eve Blaine stared at his phone, a blank message to Kurt taunting him. Finally he typed out his message, pressing send after only a brief hesitation. Kurt responded almost immediately.

Blaine [8:52]  _Hey. Merry Christmas._

Kurt [8:53]  _Merry Christmas_

Kurt [8:53] _I miss you_

Blaine [8:53]  _I miss you too. Can we talk?_

Kurt [8:54]  _Of course. I was worried you would never ask_

Blaine [8:57]  _Sorry_

Kurt [8:57]  _Don’t be sorry. It’s all my fault_

Blaine [8:59]  _I’m not mad at you. When are you free?_

Kurt [8:59]  _Tomorrow? I know it’s Christmas but I would like to see you_

Blaine [9:00]  _Tomorrow is great :)_

Kurt [9:00]  _I got you a present_

Blaine [9:00]  _Do I get a hint? ;)_

Kurt [9:00]  _No, it’s a surprise!_

Blaine [9:03]  _I have a surprise for you too_

Kurt [9:03]  _Can’t wait xo_

-

Blaine showed up at the Hudmel residence around five. It had taken awhile to get away from his family, and after stressing about what to wear (nothing was fitting right anymore but he didn’t think sweatshirts were really that appropriate for Christmas) he finally found himself standing on the front porch in an ugly red cardigan, feeling oddly calm.

Carole answered the door and welcomed Blaine in with a hug and a smile. The house smelled warmly of cinnamon and apple pie and Christmas. The feeling of  _home_  enveloped him like a blanket and Blaine felt himself relaxing, and part of him wishing he wasn’t about the mess all of this up. But he was here and he couldn’t back out now.

There was a loud pounding and Kurt had bolted down the stairs, coming to an abrupt pause when he saw Blaine. Blaine smiled at him warmly and Kurt let out a breath he had obviously been holding in.

“Hey,” Blaine said, feeling slightly shy and Kurt rushed forward, wrapping Blaine in a tight hug. Blaine was aware of his stomach pressing slightly into Kurt’s but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care. He buried his face in Kurt’s neck, breathing in the scent of his boyfriend, and for a moment everything seemed  _right_. There were soft footsteps as Carole snuck away and Blaine let out a relieved laugh. He had missed Kurt so much.

“Merry Christmas,” Blaine said into Kurt’s shoulder and Kurt laughed back.

“Merry Christmas Blaine,” Kurt said back and after a moment they drew apart. Kurt’s eyes were misted over. “I’m so sorry for what I said…”

His words were cut off as Blaine pressed a finger to Kurt’s lips and shook his head. Kurt nodded, understanding that they would talk about this later. He looked down at the manila envelope Blaine had in his hand, a red bow stuck tackily on the corner.

“Is that my surprise?” Kurt asked and Blaine nodded, holding it behind his back.

“Not yet,” he said and Kurt pulled his lips into a pout.

“Apple cider boys?” Carole’s voice drifted into the room and they accepted their steaming mugs gratefully, plodding up to Kurt’s room with the promise that they wouldn’t spill. Outside Kurt’s door Blaine caught sight of Finn who had stuck his head out of his room at the noise. He sent Blaine an encouraging smile, his eyes full of understanding and Blaine took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself. He could do this. He’d waited long enough.

Their conversation started off easy, Kurt eagerly showing him the manicure set Carole had gotten him and the gift card Burt had bought him (because he had no idea what Kurt would want and figured he’d be better getting it himself). Blaine had responded to everything enthusiastically and suddenly it felt like nothing had been wrong in the first place.

“Do you want your gift?” Kurt asked timidly, their conversation winding down and he seemed nervous again. Like he wasn’t really sure where their relationship actually stood. Blaine nodded and sat on the edge of Kurt’s bed.

“Ok,” Kurt clasped his hands in excitement and he darted into his closet. “It has two parts. Open this one first.”

He handed Blaine a perfectly wrapped square. Blaine turned it over in his hands and slid his fingers under the creases to loosen the tape, not wanting to ruin Kurt’s perfect wrapping. At first Blaine thought Kurt had gotten him a bunch of notecards on an old notecard stand, but as he flipped through, he realized instead of notecards, Kurt had put together a collection of photos, tickets, quotes,  _memories_  of their past year. Every page was decorated with glitter and sequences and ribbon and Blaine couldn’t help but smile. It was just so Kurt.

“I’ve been working on it forever,” Kurt emphasized the last word, smiling widely. Blaine looked at him, heart swelling.

“Thank you,” Blaine said, biting his lip. “This is wonderful.” Kurt bounced slightly, obviously happy at Blaine’s reaction.

“Ok so this,” he motioned to the notecard stand, “is for memories in the past and  _this_ ,” he handed Blaine the next wrapped box “is for everything to come.”

Blaine unwrapped the next gift, revealing an equally as bedazzled photo album. There were no pictures in it. Kurt had written their names inside a glittery heart on the front cover.

“You know, in case we get into separate schools or something,” Blaine turned the photo album over in his hands, wondering if Kurt would still want this filled after today. “Something we can look back on when we’re old and decrepit.”

Blaine’s smile wavered as his nerves began to take over.

“Thank you Kurt,” he said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips as honestly as he could. Who knew when they would kiss again? Kurt smiled at the kiss, obviously feeling reassured.

“So…” Kurt said when they broke apart, eyeing the manila envelope. Blaine’s hands shook as he lifted it from the bed, extending it towards Kurt. There was no going back now. Kurt took the envelope and raised an eyebrow at Blaine who was suddenly having trouble breathing correctly. Sweat was beading on his forehead and he gripped the blankets beneath him tightly.

Kurt carefully took off the red bow, sticking it to his pillow, and ripped open the top, pulling out the glossy photo. He made a face as he studied the picture, eyebrows drawing together as his brow furrowed.

“Blaine…this is an ultrasound,” Kurt’s voice lifted with confusion. Blaine nodded, mouth suddenly dry. Kurt let out a short laugh, cocking his head to the side.

“Is someone pregnant?”

Blaine nodded again. His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest.

“I don’t get it,” Kurt said, honestly trying to figure out why this was his Christmas present. “Who’s pregnant? Finn jerking off in hot tubs again?”

He gave a humorless chuckle and Blaine just looked at him, trying to get his vocal cords to cooperate.

“Blaine?” Kurt rested a hand on Blaine’s knee, starting to look concerned.

“I am.” Blaine’s words were met with silence. “I’m pregnant.”

“Come on, Blaine,” Kurt said, giving Blaine’s knee a squeeze. “Quit joking.”

Blaine felt his emotions gripping hold of him, his breaths grew faster and his eyes began to well with tears. Kurt’s eyes moved from the picture in his hands to Blaine.

“But, you’re a  _guy_ ” Kurt said as if Blaine had forgotten and reminding him would bring him to his senses. Blaine looked down at his hands clasped tightly in his lap.

“I’m a carrier, Kurt.”

Silence as the words sunk in.

“Ohmygod,” the words came out of Kurt in a rush. “But we…we've always used protection.” Kurt’s words were whispered. Blaine shook his head.

“There was that one night, back in September…” he looked at Kurt, hopeful for some sort of support, understanding. He was met with a look of horror.

“September?” Kurt repeated and Blaine nodded. Kurt was suddenly on his feet. “How long have you known?”

Blaine wrung his hands together, feeling three inches tall.

“How long, Blaine?”

“November fifteenth,” Blaine responded quietly, blinking back his tears.

“Shit,” Kurt ran his fingers through his hair. Kurt never swore. Something broke inside of Blaine, Kurt was taking this as bad as he feared. “That’s over a month. Why…why didn’t you tell me?”

Tears escaped Blaine’s eyes, something that had been happening all too often lately.

“I was scared…of how you would react.”

Kurt was pacing, like he didn’t know what to do with himself. This was all going so much worse than Blaine had hoped.

“How far along are you?” Kurt’s voice was oddly calm but his eyes were shining and Blaine wanted to curl into a ball and die.

“Fourteen weeks,” Blaine answered, voice wavering. Kurt pressed his palms into his eyes.

“It makes sense,” he said, realization dawning on his face. “You being sick, missing school, how you reacted to my comment. It makes sense.”

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” was all Blaine managed to say, voice thick. “I’m so sorry.”

Kurt’s eyes moved down from Blaine’s face to his stomach, where Blaine knew it would be obvious through his cardigan if you knew. He folded his arms across the slight bulge.

“I just…why didn’t you tell me?” Kurt sounded hurt now and Blaine felt guilt welling up inside him. “Jesus Blaine, you should have told me.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine felt like he was on repeat. Kurt stared and there was a sudden look of realization on his face.

“Did Finn know?” Kurt asked. Blaine nodded slowly.

“You told my  _brother_  before me?”  Kurt’s voice rose and Blaine flinched. “You told my brother and now you drop it on me that you’re…you’re fucking pregnant?”

Blaine didn’t know what to say so he just stared at his feet.

“I think you should leave,” Kurt’s words cut into Blaine. His eyes felt hot as a fresh wave of tears filled them, spilling onto his cheeks.

“Kurt…”

“Please Blaine, I need…I need you to go. I need to think,” Kurt was no longer looking at him. Blaine stood, not really sure what else to do. He stopped at the door, looking back at Kurt, hoping for a brief moment that he would change his mind, call Blaine back and hold him and tell him everything would be all right. He didn’t.

“This is why I didn’t tell you, Kurt,” Blaine said, knowing his words were low but not really caring anymore. “I didn’t want you to react like this.”

With that he left.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

  


December 26th

Blaine [10:52] _I’m sorry I screwed everything up_

-

December 27th

Blaine [2:20] _Can we talk?_

Blaine [4:47] _Kurt?_

Blaine [9:33] _Please don’t make me do this without you_

-

December 28th

Blaine [12:07] _Pls text me_

Blaine [12:15] _I get that you’re mad. I’m sorry I’m a freak._

Kurt [12:21] _You’re not a freak. Can you come over?_

Blaine [12:21] _I can be there in 30_

Kurt [12:21] _See you soon_

-

Kurt wasn’t home when Blaine got there. Burt answered the door, his face strangely impassive as he invited him in and Blaine wondered if Kurt had told him. His stomach turned nervously. Burt was everything Blaine wished his father was – kind, caring, supportive, but he was still intimidating. Blaine had no doubt that the minute someone did something to hurt Kurt, Burt would not hesitate to take them down. Including Kurt’s boyfriend.

“Coffee? It’s decaf,” Burt asked when they reached the kitchen.

“Sure,” Blaine said, more in an effort to make the atmosphere less tense than in any actual desire for it. Burt busied himself with preparing the coffee while Blaine sat uncertainly at the table.

“I sent Kurt to the store,” Burt explained as he set a steaming mug in front of Blaine, taking a seat across from him. Blaine studied the way the creamer swirled in with the coffee, like it was trying to make a shape but failing miserably. Like it wanted to be something that it wasn’t. Blaine took a sip, the cream and coffee mixing together into one solid color.

“Kurt told me,” Burt said simply. His voice held no judgment but Blaine couldn’t help the way his heart sped up and his hands shook. Coffee sloshed over the side of his cup, spilling hot liquid onto his hand. He wiped it off on his jeans.

“Look Blaine, I’m not thrilled and I wish you guys had been a bit more cautious, but I understand that sometimes life kicks you in the face. You’re going through a lot, and I know it’s going to be rough. I don’t know how things are with your parents, but Blaine, no matter what happens with you and Kurt, you’re family now and you’ll always have my support.”

Blaine was quiet for a moment before nodding. “Thank you sir.”

“I’ve talked to Kurt and he’s confused and concerned, but I know he doesn’t want to lose you,” Burt paused. “Be patient with him. He’s just as lost as you are right now.”

Blaine nodded again. “Yes sir.”

“And Blaine,” Burt waited until Blaine looked up at him. “If you need to talk to anyone, just let me know. You know where to find me.”

Blaine studied Burt’s face, wondering how such a kind person to even exist. It didn’t seem possible.

“Thank you, I will,” Blaine responded, offering Burt a small smile. Burt nodded sharply and gave the table a light slap before standing up.

“Why don’t you head up to Kurt’s room. I’ll send him up when he gets back.”

Blaine stood. “Thank you for the coffee.”

-

Kurt’s room was neatly organized, as always, and Blaine sat tensely on the edge of the bed. He glanced around, eyes stopping on the dresser. Next to twelve neatly arranged vials of moisturizer was a perfectly decorated notecard holder and photo album. Kurt’s Christmas gift. Blaine had completely forgotten about it. Talk about worst boyfriend ever.

Walking over to the dresser, he brushed his fingers over the cover of the photo album. They came away covered in glitter and he couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips. The binding creaked as he opened the cover, expecting to see nothing but blank white pages. What he saw trapped the breath in his throat and sprung tears to his eyes. In the top left corner of the photo album, the very first picture slot, sat Blaine’s ultrasound.

The door clicked open and Blaine jumped, quickly shutting the book. Kurt stepped in cautiously, and Blaine stepped away from the dresser, eyes fixed on his boyfriend. Kurt’s hair was lacking its normal perfect coif and there were bags under his eyes that Blaine didn’t remember seeing there before.

“Hey,” Kurt said, sounding as nervous as Blaine felt. Burt’s words rung in his head. _He’s just as lost as you are._ Blaine swallowed thickly.

“I wasn’t sure you would ever text me back.” He thought he sounded  tired. Kurt’s face flashed with guilt. Blaine wasn’t sure where to go next.

“I’m sorry I screwed everything up,” he said finally. Kurt opened his mouth and then closed it, paused and opened it again.

“I just…I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me,” his voice was full of hurt. “I thought we were stronger than that.”

 “I was going to tell you, as soon as I found out, but then we went to that coffee shop and there were those kids and you said you didn’t like kids and…and I just got scared and confused. I still am,” Blaine felt the words come easier now that he started talking. He watched as a look of realization mixed with guilt crossed Kurt’s face. “I have no idea what I’m doing here, Kurt. Every time I try to do the right thing it just turns out to be the wrong thing and I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole and now I can’t get out.”

Tears sprang into his eyes and he looked away from Kurt, not wanting him to see how pathetic he was being.

“I’m giving it up though,” he said to his shoes, wanting to get everything out before his throat closed up again. “For adoption I mean. I’ve already talked to an agency. You don’t even have to see it. I can go away until its born, and then after it would be like it never happened. I promise Kurt, it would be like it never happened.”

A sniff drew his attention back up. Kurt’s eyes were turning pink and his cheeks were wet with tears.

“Blaine…” Kurt started but Blaine cut him off.

“I was going to…end it, you know? After that day in the Lima Bean. I went to Planned Parenthood and everything.” Blaine paused for a moment, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.”

Kurt looked heartbroken by Blaine’s confession and Blaine was confused. He was sure that would be what Kurt would have wanted.

“I’m glad, Blaine,” Kurt’s voice wavered slightly “I wouldn’t have wanted you too.”

“But…”

“I’m seventeen, Blaine. The most experience I’ve had with babies was babysitting the neighbor’s kids once two years ago. Kids are just not something I’d ever thought about,” Kurt explained, voice begging Blaine to understand.

“Oh…” was all Blaine managed. His heart was pounding and he wasn’t sure if it was the hormones or his own screwed up emotions but he was having a hard time thinking straight.

“I’m still trying to understand all this,” Kurt said when Blaine didn’t say anything else. “To process the fact that my _boyfriend_ is pregnant.” Blaine couldn’t help but flinch slightly at the emphasis. “It’s all so…weird. Something that you read about in science magazines, but never actually happens.”

Blaine blinked, swallowing his tears.

“I’m sorry… I know I’m a freak. I’ll understand if you want me to leave.” Blaine hung his head in defeat. Suddenly a hand was brushing his cheek and he looked up questioningly. Kurt had moved to stand close to him, his brow drawn together in what looked like concern.

“No, Blaine,” his voice was stronger now. “You’re not a freak. You’ll never be a freak. And I would never want you to leave. I reacted badly when you told me, I know. I’m so sorry, Blaine. I wish I could go back and change how I acted. I…”

Kurt paused, eyelashes fluttering as he took in Blaine’s face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the support that you needed. I just…I don’t know what I’m supposed to _do_ in this situation. I feel like I’m failing at being the perfect boyfriend but I just feel so confused and…”

He trailed off, eyes connecting with Blaine’s, shining with emotion. His thumb reached up to catch a stray tear that fell down Blaine’s cheek.

“I screwed everything up, didn’t I,” Blaine stated. It wasn’t a question. Kurt shook his head.

“Don’t go taking all the credit for this,” Kurt said lightly, his hand reaching down to give Blaine’s fingers a squeeze. “You didn’t make this baby on your own.”

Blaine gave a half chuckle and then promptly burst into tears. Rachel Berry style.  Kurt made a surprised noise at Blaine’s sudden meltdown and drew him into a hug. Blaine nestled his head into Kurt’s shoulder and cried. Kurt stroked Blaine’s back comfortingly. “Shhh Blaine, it’s ok.”

Blaine shook his head against Kurt. “N-no it’s not,” Blaine’s voice was choppy and muffled. “I messed up and now I have heartburn and I have to pee all the time and I’m constipated and I’m going to get fat and ugly.”

He felt his sobs increase and he knew he was acting irrational but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Kurt’s arms held him tightly as he cried, his cheek pressed into Blaine’s hair.

“You’ll always be beautiful to me, Blaine,” he whispered soothingly. “I’ll be with you through it all. I promise.

“We’ll get through this together.”

_Together_.


	4. Chapter 4

 

  


On January eighteenth the baby got the hiccups. It was after school, three weeks after Blaine’s Epic Meltdown as he referred to it, and Blaine was lying on Kurt’s bed, exhausted, while Kurt worked on homework at his desk.

“Oh!” Blaine exclaimed sharply, propping himself up on his elbows. Kurt turned his head, concern in his eyes.

“Everything alright?”

Blaine looked down at the swell of his stomach, which was now big enough that even his sweatshirts were doing a poor job at hiding it. The doctor had said that because he was a small male, he would show earlier than most women would, which was just great. As if he needed to stick out any more than he already did. He furrowed his brow as he concentrated and _there_ , he could feel it. A slight jerk, followed by another, and another. They were rhythmic, only a second or two between each.

“Blaine?” Kurt’s voice sounded worried and Blaine smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend.

“Hiccups,” Blaine said, recognizing the sensation from what the doctor had explained at his last appointment.

“Oh…” Kurt glanced at Blaine’s stomach. “Can I…feel?”

Blaine’s eyes widened in surprise. While things had been better between Kurt and him, Kurt had avoided touching Blaine’s stomach like the slightest brush would cause him to shatter. Self consciousness had led Blaine to start changing in the bathroom and the subject of his growing belly had been mostly avoided between the two. Except when Blaine had a small meltdown two weeks before when he could no longer button his pants. Kurt had silently taken it upon himself to sew elastic into all of Blaine’s jeans, for which Blaine was extremely grateful. So if Blaine’s nod was a little hesitant, it was understandable. There was still a part of him that was nervous of Kurt’s rejection.

“Of course,” Blaine responded and Kurt climbed onto the bed beside Blaine. His hand hovered nervously until Blaine wrapped his fingers around Kurt’s wrist, guiding his hand under Blaine’s sweatshirt to rest on his stomach. Kurt’s hand felt warm and foreign, the first time someone other than himself and the cold jelly of the ultrasound machine had touched his stomach in months.

Kurt’s lips parted and his eyes found Blaine’s, widening in excitement.

“I can feel it!” he exclaimed and Blaine smiled. “It feels so…real.”

Blaine could only nod.

“Blaine…” Kurt’s eyes were shining. “This is real. Our baby is real.”

“Yeah Kurt,” Blaine said. “He’s real.”

Kurt lowered himself next to Blaine, head resting in the dip of Blaine’s shoulder, hand not moving from his belly.

“How does it feel?”

Blaine thought. “It feels…well, uncomfortable.”

It was true. Blaine’s back ached and he was constantly out of breath. He felt light headed and dizzy most of the time and his feet were swelling. His doctor had informed him that because a man’s body was not made for childbearing like a woman’s body was, he would have a rougher time and would have to be placed on bed rest near the end. Because he was so small, his doctor was concerned about the amount of room the baby had to grow. Narrow hips meant the baby couldn’t sit as low in his belly as it should and there would be a fight for space between the baby and his internal organs. Of course, Blaine hadn’t told Kurt any of this.

Kurt hand angled his head up to look at Blaine in concern.

“It’s not too bad,” Blaine said quickly, not wanting Kurt to worry. “Just what’s expected.”

“I wish I could help somehow,” Kurt said, snuggling closer into Blaine.

“You do help,” Blaine responded, breathing in the scent of Kurt’s shampoo. It smelled faintly of lavender. “Every day.”

Kurt was silent for a moment. “Are you going to be ok?”

Blaine frowned at the vagueness of Kurt’s question. “Of course I will. The doctor says everything is fine. And I have my amazing boyfriend to look after me.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kurt said, shifting away from Blaine slightly to prop his head on his hand and look Blaine straight on. “I mean after. When we give him away. Will you be ok?”

Blaine looked down at his stomach, imagining the tiny human inside him. “We can’t keep a baby. Not with us both accepted into New York. It doesn’t make sense.”

Kurt’s eyes looked sad, though Blaine wasn’t sure why. “I’m not asking what makes sense. I’m asking how you’ll feel.”

Blaine bit his lip. “I’ll miss him.”

Kurt reached his free hand and intertwined his fingers with Blaine’s and when he spoke his voice was barely audible. “I think I will too.”

-

It happened two months later. March 27th. He was at 26 weeks.

Blaine wasn’t moving around much lately. He made it through classes and followed Kurt home, collapsing on the couch or bed until he had to go home. His stomach looked like he had swallowed a basketball. There wasn’t a moment he didn’t feel exhausted, his back ached, his legs hurt, and he could barely tie his own shoes. The words _bed rest_ were looming before him, the doctor mentioning it every time he visited, as if she were slowly trying to get him accustomed to the idea.

And the worst part was that he wasn’t even in the third trimester yet. He would get bigger and more uncomfortable and soon he wouldn’t be able to move around at all. Blaine knew he was taking out his frustrations on Kurt and while he felt terrible about it, he couldn’t seem to stop. Kurt was just being excessively _nice_ , constantly asking him how he was feeling, if he needed anything, no don’t move I’ll get that for you. Blaine was starting to feel like he was already on bed rest for all of Kurt’s mothering. And yet every time Blaine snapped at him, Kurt just brushed it off and brought him some chocolate milk or something equally satisfying, which Blaine supposed would make him the best boyfriend ever and he would definitely be sure to make it up to him. When this was all over.

Today hadn’t been much different from any other. Glee club had gone a bit later than normal and Blaine had a general feeling of _off_ all day, but that wasn’t that unusual. Some days were just harder than others, so he wasn’t too worried. He figured he’d be force fed by Kurt, take a nap, and feel back to normal, or as normal as he could feel, by tomorrow.

It happened when they were sitting on the couch, attempting to study some homework while Finn was watching _Cake Boss_. He felt a twinge and rubbed his stomach. A sharper twinge followed and he inhaled sharply, both hands moving to grip his belly.

“You ok?” Kurt asked and Blaine nodded.

“Yeah, just a cramp.” Kurt didn’t look entirely convinced.

“Ah!” Blaine couldn’t help the shout as pain rippled through him. He leaned forward slightly, and Kurt’s hand found his shoulder.

“Blaine?” his voice was thick with concern. Finn was looking at them, unsure if he should move to help.

“I’m fine,” Blaine said, taking a deep breath, scrunching his face as another cramp assaulted him.

“You don’t look fine,” Kurt stated.

“It’s probably Braxton Hicks contractions,” Blaine said. Kurt and Finn frowned at him. “Early contractions. It’s nothing, don’t wor…ow!”

Blaine hunched forward as he felt his stomach cramp painfully. Another ripple followed shortly after, this one painful enough that Blaine couldn’t help but shout. His hand found Kurt’s and squeezed tightly.

“Ow, fuck it hurts,” Blaine whimpered as another wave passed through him. He could feel sweat beading on his face. Kurt looked frantic as Blaine doubled over again, squeezing his fingers so hard he thought they might break.

“Finn, get dad!” Kurt shouted at Finn, who nodded and darted away.

“Blaine, look at me,” Kurt was saying and Blaine forced his eyes up to meet Kurt’s.

“Kurt, I think something’s wrong,” he whispered and Kurt’s face paled. Blaine was sure this was the worst pain he’d felt in his life, his stomach was cramping furiously, like it was contracting every second and Blaine couldn’t contain the sob that ripped from his throat.

“Blaine, can you stand?” Kurt asked, voice purposefully calm. “We need to get you to the hospital.”

Blaine moaned. He really didn’t think he could, but Kurt was looking at him so expectantly that he couldn’t say no, so he nodded.

“Ok, I’ll help you, alright?” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand, his other arm wrapping around Blaine’s back.

Blaine stood, and pain ripped through him so intense that for a minute he thought he’d gone blind, white flashing across his vision as he buckled to the floor, Kurt’s arms slowing his fall.

“Oh my god,” Kurt’s words were low and filled with horror. Blaine turned his head, eyes following Kurt’s gaze to the couch…which was covered with blood. Fear mixed with the pain and Blaine slowly looked down at himself and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. His jeans were damp with red.

“Dad!” Kurt shouted, frantic and there were pounding footsteps as Burt and Finn rushed into the room.

“Dad, I don’t know what happened,” Kurt sounded like he was crying but Blaine had closed his eyes, the pain in his abdomen so intense he could only focus on trying to breath and the wetness he was now aware of running down his legs. “He was ok one minute and now…dad, he’s bleeding and, oh god…”

“Finn, call an ambulance,” Burt was shouting, and Blaine could feel him kneeling down beside him, strong hands gripping his shoulders.

“Blaine, can you look at me?” Burt’s voice was commanding yet gentle and Blaine forced his eyes open. Burt’s face was blurry, but Blaine could see the concern there. “Help is coming, ok? Hang on bud. I’ve got you.”

Blaine opened his mouth to respond but all that came out was a whimpered moan. He felt a burst shoot through him and suddenly he was retching, Burt holding him the whole time. He was vaguely aware of Kurt crying, and that everything around him was red, and Burt’s voice was echoing in his head as he felt himself drift away and he was gone.

-

There were a few days that Kurt could solidly say were the worst of his life. The day his mom died, the day his dad had a heart attack and slipped into a coma. And now today. The day his perfect boyfriend nearly bled to death in his living room.

Looking back, it all seemed to happen in a blur. He remembered a weird ringing in his ears, his brain struggling to process what was happening has his father held Blaine while he vomited blood (God, there was so much of it) before passing out. He remembered collapsing beside Blaine, Blaine who was so pale only his burning skin and ragged breathing assured Kurt he was still alive. He remembered the sirens and the paramedics who rushed in, strapping an oxygen mask to Blaine’s face and wheeling him away with frantic shouts, leaving Kurt crying in their wake.

Burt had loaded them in the car, calling Blaine’s parents to inform them of the situation, and broken several traffic laws getting to the hospital. Now Kurt found himself sitting in a waiting room, eyes still puffy from crying, Blaine’s parents sitting anxiously beside them, waiting for any sort of news. With every minute that passed without any news Kurt felt his anxiety growing, Blaine’s slack, pale face there every time he blinked.

A nurse had brought him some apple juice and instructed him to lay down for awhile so he didn’t go into shock from worry. Kurt had done so only after his father insisted, and while his head did feel a bit more stable after, he still felt on the brink of exploding with worry.

After what felt like possibly the longest three hours of his life, a doctor appeared in the waiting room, calling Blaine’s family name. They stood. Kurt tried to ignore the grim look on the doctor’s face as he approached them.

“Mr. and Mrs. Anderson?”

“Is Blaine ok?” Kurt asked before he could stop himself. The doctor looked at Kurt questioningly before Jennifer Anderson nodded that it was ok for him to be there. She looked as frantic as Kurt felt.

“Blaine had what is called a placental abruption,” the doctor explained, his voice somber. “The placenta separated from the uterus, causing some pretty serious internal bleeding. Both Blaine and the baby were under a great deal of distress and we had no choice but to deliver the baby via c-section. Because of the nature of the abruption, Blaine had some severe tissue damage which caused him to have a postpartum hemorrhage after the c-section and he lost a very large quantity of blood. We managed to get the bleeding under control, but it was very touch and go. Blaine flatlined once, and if he wasn’t such a fighter I wouldn’t have expected him to pull through as he did. We’re giving him several blood transfusions now and we’ve managed to keep him mostly stabilized.”

Kurt took a shaky breath, the doctors words echoing in his head as he paused. Words like _hemorrhage_ and _touch and go_ and _flatlined_ replayed themselves and Kurt thought he might be sick. Burt must have realized the same thing, because Kurt suddenly found a strong arm wrapping across his back and he sagged into his father’s side, grateful for the support.

“Blaine is very lucky to be alive,” the doctor continued after what he must have deemed was an appropriate amount of time for his information to sink in. “Unfortunately, because of the amount of blood loss and trauma he suffered he is at risk for brain damage, but we won’t be able to tell until he wakes up.”

The doctor paused again and looked between all their faces.

“The baby was taken to the neonatal intensive care. They are still doing all they can to save him, but because of the nature of the placental abruption and the fact that he’s extremely premature I want you to be prepared that there is a chance he won’t make it. A doctor will be in to see you as we know more.”

Kurt felt his father’s arm tighten around him as his legs refused to support him anymore. He felt numb, detached almost. Shouldn’t he be crying? Screaming? His baby might die and his boyfriend could be brain damaged and all he could do was stare ahead blankly while his father supported him.

“Can we see Blaine?” Jennifer Anderson’s voice was faint. The doctor nodded.

“He’s in the ICU, I can take you.”

Kurt wasn’t even aware of moving as the doctor led them through the hospital, Burt’s solid support helping him the entire way. The doctor paused outside of glass doors with the words _Intensive Care Unit_ in big white letters above them.

“I’m afraid until Blaine is no longer in critical condition I can only allow family members in,” the doctor said and Kurt felt a wave a panic wash through him. He _had_ to see Blaine.

Surprisingly, it was Blaine’s father that seemed to recognize this. He rested a hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

“Kurt’s with us,” he said, voice leaving no room for argument. “He’s Blaine’s family.”

The doctor nodded after a moment and Burt released Kurt, allowing Blaine’s father to offer his support, which Kurt accepted.

“We’ll be out here,” Burt said softly and Kurt nodded before  they followed the doctor through the doors. The unit was filled with the sounds of beeping heart monitors and mechanical whirring. The beds were separated by thick curtains and the nurses attended to their patients quietly. The doctor led them to the far side of the unit, pulling back the second to last curtain and allowing them through.

Everyone says that people look small in hospital beds and Kurt could see why. Blaine looked dwarfed by the equipment surrounding him, an oxygen mask strapped to his face and an IV bag filled with dark red liquid connected to his arm. The dark lashes of his closed eyes contrasted sharply against his skin, pale as the sheets he lay on.

“Visiting ends in an hour.” Kurt was vaguely aware of the doctor speaking. “He’s still undergoing blood transfusions and I just ask that you keep out of the way. Someone will be in to speak with you when we know more about the child.”

Jennifer thanked the doctor quietly as he left. Kurt took a cautious step forward, suddenly feeling nauseous. He had never been particularly good around blood and everything was just now catching up to him. Jennifer was smoothing her hands through Blaine’s hair, eyes leaking tears as she whispered Blaine’s name over and over.

Kurt shuffled to the bed, slipping his hand around Blaine’s, trying not the think about how cold he felt. He let his eyes flutter close, now that he was with Blaine (Blaine minus one) the seriousness of the day’s events were finally sinking in. Everything was still so unsure, the fate of Blaine and the baby, _their_ baby, still unknown and Kurt felt like Blaine’s hand in his was the only solid thing anchoring him in the room.

The only thing keeping him from falling apart.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

  


Blaine woke up three days later. It was after a day of school that Kurt had paid no attention to, his thoughts only focused on getting to the hospital as soon as he could. He skipped glee club, but no one said anything. No one really felt like singing anyways.

Blaine’s parents had run home for a shower and a change of clothes, Kurt promising he would stay with Blaine and call them if anything happened. He had wrapped a hand around Blaine’s, resting his head on the bed, breathing in his boyfriends scent, still there underneath the smell of hospital. It hadn’t taken long for Kurt to start drifting off, three days of sleepless nights catching up with him.

When he stirred awake, blinking the sleep from his eyes, he angled his head upward to gaze at Blaine’s face. A pair of hazel eyes stared back at him.

Kurt sat up abruptly, hand gripping Blaine’s tightly.

“Blaine?” Blaine’s face was mostly calm, though his brow furrowed slightly. His eyes blinked tiredly.

“Blaine, can you hear me?” Kurt tried to keep his voice calm, not wanting to sound as desperate as he felt. The words _brain damage_ were bouncing in his head and a feeling of dread had nestled itself in his stomach. He knew he should press the button to alert the nurse, but he didn’t want to. Not quite yet.

“Kurt?” Blaine’s voice was barely audible and he winced slightly.

“Hold on,” Kurt said, remembering something the nurse had said and he darted out, returning with a cup of ice chips. He grabbed one, slipping it past Blaine’s lips before it could melt in his fingers. Blaine was still as it dissolved on his tongue, the cool liquid soothing his throat.

“Hey,” Kurt whispered, offering a slight smile. “How do you feel?”

Blaine’s eyes roamed over him sluggishly.

“Tired,” he responded softly and Kurt felt his heart leap with joy. Blaine was responding to him, his eyes tired but focused. Understanding.

“You lost a lot of blood,” Kurt explained gently, hand reaching to brush the hair from Blaine’s forehead. Blaine’s eyes moved down, his fingers twitching when he noticed his now flat stomach.

“The baby?” His gaze locked with Kurt’s, eyes filled with worry. Kurt squeezed Blaine’s fingers.

“He’s still fighting,” Kurt said, stomach giving the nervous flutter it always did when he thought about their baby. “He’s a lot like you. He won’t give up.”

Blaine didn’t say anything but his eyes looked relieved before they fluttered shut again.

“Rest Blaine,” Kurt soothed, pressing his lips to Blaine’s forehead. “I’ll be here.”

-

Blaine was on a boat. It felt like he was drifting on waves, the world around him rocking at a gentle pace. He thought he heard Kurt and his parents on the boat with him, their voices always soft, like they were afraid of disturbing the calm that surrounded him. He couldn’t really bring himself to worry about it, he was just so _tired_. Fatigue was pressing down on him, weighing his eyelids shut and slowing his breaths and he just wanted to lay there forever.

But something was _wrong_ ,  he could feel it in the steady ache in his belly and the tendril of unease that squirmed around in his brain. He managed a groan, wanting to drift back into sleep, but then there were hands on him and his name was being whispered urgently and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He forced his eyes to crack open, blinking slowly as the world around him came into focus.

The first thing he noticed was that he wasn’t on a boat. He was in a room, dark curtains surrounding them. His mother was sitting beside him, her hand smoothing his hair and Kurt was standing behind her, an anxious expression on his face. Someone he didn’t recognize was repeating his name and he concentrated on her.

“Blaine?” The girl was saying. “Can you hear me?”

Blaine nodded. Of course he could hear her. What a silly question.

“Good,” the girl smiled. “Can you tell me how you feel?”

Blaine thought about it for a moment. “Sore.” His voice sounded quiet and rough but he couldn’t really bring himself to care.

She nodded thoughtfully.

“I’m going to do a few tests, all right?” she waited for Blaine to nod before pulling something from her pocket. Her thumb lifted Blaine’s eyelids and he flinched as she blinded him with a bright light. She gave him an apologetic smile before moving away, shooing out his mother and Kurt before sliding back his covers and checking something on Blaine’s stomach.

And that’s when it came back to him. The pain, the blood, Kurt’s gentle assurance that the baby was still fighting for its life. Blaine drew in a sharp breath and the nurse looked at him.

“Does that hurt?” she asked and Blaine shook his head. She looked like she didn’t really believe him, but recorded her findings on a clipboard.

“You’re healing very nicely,” she assured him before allowing his two visitors back in. Blaine was beginning feeling more awake than he had in a long time and for the first time he reached for Kurt’s hand of his own accord.

“Hey,” Kurt said, accepting Blaine’s hand, thumb rubbing along his knuckles. “You look awake.”

“I feel awake,” Blaine responded, though he was aware of how tired his voice still sounded. Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. Jennifer looked between the two.

“I’ll leave you for a moment,” she said and Kurt smiled at her. “Kurt has something to tell you.”

She kissed Blaine’s forehead softly before slipping out of the curtains. Kurt sunk into the chair beside Blaine.

“I saw him today,” Kurt said, his face absolutely glowing. “Just a couple hours ago. They let me see him.”

“What…is he…” Blaine tried to find the right words, his brain still not quite caught up to the speed of the real world.

“He’s amazing, Blaine,” Kurt said, tightening his grip on Blaine’s hand. “He’s so tiny, but they say he’s doing well. That he’ll probably make it.”

Blaine felt like his heart might explode…or implode. Whatever hearts do when they’re overcome with emotions.

“So…he’s ok?” His voice felt like it was trapped in his throat. Kurt nodded, eyes shining.

“I met the family,” he said with a smile. “The ones adopting him. They’re going to be wonderful parents. They…they want to come see you. To see how you’re doing.”

Blaine looked around the room, the wave of emotions sapping his energy. “Ok.”

Kurt face was one of utter concern and love. “Don’t worry, nothing has to happen before you’re ready for it. The doctor said your body will take awhile to recover.”

Blaine felt something wet hitting his hand and he looked over at Kurt, surprised to see tears on his cheeks.

“Kurt…”

Kurt sniffed loudly and gave a shaky laugh. “I’m sorry, I’m just…god, I was so worried Blaine. I don’t…” he paused. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Blaine pulled Kurt’s hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss into his palm.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Blaine tried to reassure, letting his lips pull into a tired smile. “Not as long as you’re still here.”

He patted the bed beside him and Kurt moved onto the bed, curling up beside him on the cramped space, but neither of them minded. Kurt’s hair tickled Blaine’s ear and he shifted slightly to kiss Kurt’s nose, making Kurt smile.

“Next time though, let’s not forget the condom.”

Blaine fell asleep to the sound of Kurt’s laugh.

-

Two weeks later they let Blaine out of bed. Kurt supported one side, while a nurse had the other, his whole body aching as he walked the few steps to the wheelchair they had ready for him. Normally, Blaine would never have let himself be pushed around in a wheelchair, but now he didn’t think anything could look more welcoming.

Kurt insisted on pushing him, knowing the way to the neonatal intensive care unit by heart. Blaine felt his stomach do nervous flips as they neared the unit. He hadn’t seen their baby yet, as neither of the two had been able to be moved, and honestly, he wasn’t sure if he was ready. He wanted to see him, god, he wanted to so bad, but it would make it all _real._ Everything that had happened. And Blaine wasn’t sure how he would handle it.

“You ready?” Kurt whispered as they stood outside the doors to the NICU. Blaine nodded and Kurt pushed him through. The inside was pale yellow, a cartoon tree painted on the wall, the branches extending across the room to all the small plastic boxes that Blaine assumed held the babies. He found himself wondering which one was theirs.

Kurt spoke to the nurse at the front desk, signed something and then resumed pushing. Blaine thought his heart might leap its way out of his throat by the time Kurt stopped in front of one of the little plastic boxes. Or incubators, as Kurt was currently informing him.

“Help me up,” Blaine said, unable to see from his chair. Kurt wrapped an arm around Blaine’s back, his other arm gripping Blaine’s elbow, allowing Blaine to lean against him as he stood. He couldn’t straighten all the way and his lower abdomen throbbed harshly but he didn’t care. All breath had been stolen from his body as he looked through the clear plastic.

“He’s so tiny,” Blaine breathed. He was lying on his back, one tube disappearing inside his nose, another inserted in his stomach, tape and wires monitoring his every vital sign. But Blaine didn’t see any of that. All he saw was the tiny human, so beautiful with its perfect little fingers, its button nose that was so Kurt’s, and long toes that were definitely from Blaine.

“He’s only two pounds,” Kurt was saying and Blaine turned to look at Kurt briefly. “He can’t breathe or eat on his own yet. A lot of babies born so early don’t make it but…he did. He’s strong.”

Blaine pressed a hand to the side of the incubator, watching closely as the baby’s chest rose and fell. They stood like that for awhile, Blaine leaning on Kurt, just watching their baby breath, not needing any words to know what the other was feeling.

“I named him,” Kurt said quietly after a few moments and Blaine tore his eyes from the baby in surprise. Kurt looked slightly nervous. “He needed a name and the family…they wanted me to. Well they wanted you to, but you were…”

Kurt swallowed.

“I named him Damian.”

Blaine blinked, processing. “My middle name.”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah. You went through so much for him…it just, seemed right.”

Blaine just nodded and leaned closer to the incubator, Kurt shifting slightly to support him.

“I’m sorry Damian,” Blaine whispered. “I’m sorry you came into the world like this. I’m sorry I couldn’t carry you properly.”

Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine. “No one blames you. None of this is your fault.”

Blaine felt his throat constrict painfully and he turned into Kurt, letting his boyfriend hold him close as he cried without a sound. Kurt rubbed soothing circles on Blaine’s back, his cheek pressing into Blaine’s curls.

“You were perfect Blaine, I promise.”

-

They showed up an hour later. Blaine was sitting in his chair, eye staring tiredly at Damian, but not wanting to leave, Kurt sitting on the floor with his back pressed half against Blaine’s wheelchair.

“Blaine?” the surprised voice made Blaine’s head turn and he saw them. Jason and Andrew, the couple adopting Damian.

“We didn’t know you would be here,” Andrew said, stepping forward until he was at the end of Damian’s incubator. Kurt stood, arm pressing against his shoulder, a silent offer of support if Blaine should need it.

“They finally let me out of bed,” Blaine said, wishing he didn’t sound as tired as he did. “I…I hadn’t gotten to see him yet.”

Jason gave Blaine a sympathetic look, stepping forward and intertwining his hand with his husband’s. “He’s very beautiful.”

Blaine looked from their clasped hands to Damian.

“I’m sorry everything didn’t go as planned,” he said softly. Kurt squeezed his shoulder. Andrew looked at Blaine, something in his expression that Blaine couldn’t quite place.

“Did I ever tell you the reason we’re adopting?” Andrew asked. “The real reason?”

Blaine shook his head. Jason rubbed Andrew’s back comfortingly.

“I’m a carrier too,” Andrew said and Blaine raised his eyebrows in surprise. “We’ve been wanting to start a family for awhile, and when I finally got pregnant, well, we were ecstatic. I miscarried after 12 weeks. We tried again and I miscarried again. That’s when we learned that, like with most carriers, my body just isn’t able to carry children.”

“I’m sorry…” Andrew waved off Blaine’s apology.

“What you did Blaine, the fact that Damian is _here_ and alive, means you did everything right. He’s so beautiful, Blaine. You couldn’t have done more perfectly.”

Blaine sniffed and blinked back tears. He figured he was close to using up his crying quota for the next five years by now.

“You did what I could only ever dream of doing,” Andrew said, eyes shining with honesty. Blaine hastily wiped his eyes.

“You deserve him,” Blaine said, looking at Damian. “He deserves you.”

Andrew smiled warmly at Blaine.

“You’re amazing, Blaine,” Andrew said and Kurt sniffed beside him. “And you have a wonderful boyfriend. I couldn’t be more proud able to call your child my family.”

“Can…” Blaine paused, trying to find his voice. “Can you send pictures? So we can know how he’s doing?”

“Of course. I promise,” Andrew replied and Blaine heard so much more in that promise. Kurt smoothed his hand across Blaine’s shoulder.

“We should probably get you back…before the nurse has my hide for keeping you out so long,” he said gently, reluctant to interrupt, but understanding that Blaine would soon be exhausted. Blaine didn’t think it was possible to love Kurt any more that he did right then.

“Thank you Blaine,” Jason said, his arm moving to rest along Andrew’s shoulders and Blaine thought he had never seen a more perfect couple.

And with that Blaine left, feeling more hopeful than he had felt in a long, long time.


End file.
